Ma Vie En -- OH SOMETHING SHINY!

Okay, I'm going to be the first that admits this: I had a ton of trouble paying attention during this film. It was not because it was a bad film. I was actually very intrigued by the premise. The problem was, I brought candy. And not just any candy: pull and peel twizzlers. So not only are you giving me sugar, you're giving me something to play with. I'm essentially an 8 year old with severe ADHD. I'd say it is what keeps me interesting. Also, in large settings, I always get distracted. You should see me at a Bulls game. I'll play "see how many 8 dollar margaritas I can drink." By the 3rd quarter, you'll be shoving me into a taxi as I scream about how I beat you at a margarita race you didn't even know you were participating in. It is just how I work.

Just off camera is me beating Obama at a Margarita Race

So, please bear with me if the film details are foggy.

This will be written as an open letter to Ludo.

Sup Ludsie (Can I call you Ludsies?)
Anyway, L-money. Why do you think society and even your family reacted so badly to your revelation that you wanted to be a girl?
Don't answer that Ldub, I've got it. It is what we in the biz call a rhetorical question. As you may know, I am the not-famous-enough author of the book "So You Think God Screwed Up" (Foreword by the parents of the cast of Jersey Shore.) I can tell you, as much as you daydream about it, you are always going to be rocking an XY setup. Now, I know you'd like to discard those boy-part, maybe trade them in towards the purchase of some girl-parts, but this isn't possible. Not at your age. But this is why they react so badly to you. The idea of a boy, possessing a phallus (for reference, look down), and wanting to discard that symbol of power. This is a glaring reminder of what Freud called "castration anxiety." Essentially, grown men are pants-crapping scared of losing those boy-parts that you dislike so much. So scared, that signs of femininity make them angry. I'm talking spilled a cast member of the Jersey Shore's Jaeger Bomb mad. This is where all this rage directed at you comes from.

Well then what does this mean for little Ludo?
Well, L-train, I've got some bad news. Without a firm sense of self, as the speaker told us, ther eis a darn good chance you're going to stick your head in an oven. So you must decide between either being who you know you are, or living a lie and possibly diving off a building early in life. I would go with the former if I were you. The castration anxiety demonstrated by the men in your life now will only continue throughout life. There is no escaping it.

Sorry bud, I wish i had better news for you. Also, hey, can you slip Pam my number next time you see her? Tell her I'm an author.

Cordially,
Dr. Professor Indian Chief Bobbito Max Chill, Esq.